New Zealand. Managed Isolation, Day 10

Quarantine, Day 8, Sunday.

Phew, made it over the hump of half way, sanity intact. I think. Eleanor may have a different view.

We managed to get out for a 30 minute walk first thing(ish), before breakfast or coffee at least. The only reason we made it out before coffee was because we didn’t have any left, and we had misread the opening time on the hotel coffee shop info sheet and thought it closed. As we walked we observed the barista through the café window busily making coffee so I double-checked once we were back in the room and ordered an immediate flat white fix. This was the first coffee we have ordered and it was very enjoyable too, as was breakfast. 

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Our supermarket order arrived not long after breakfast so life will return to normal tomorrow as we now have more ground coffee for the pot. Coffee is an important part of the day. I know I should give it up as caffeine is really bad, one day…

The afternoon walk on the roof was cancelled due to the terrible weather.

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I am actually enjoying the rain and the relative coolness that comes with it. The room gets quite warm and stuffy when the sun is on the big window. To replace the walk exercise we ordered new bedding and spent 10 minutes changing the bed, trying to give it a hotel quality finish. This is more difficult than it sounds, so my respect for hotel staff has gone up another notch.

On the subject of hotel staff… The staff here at Rydges; hotel, defence force, aviation security and others, have been magnificent, always cheerful, helpful and friendly. We have hada lot more interaction with the various teams than you do in a normal hotel, it is very well organised and I absolutely appreciate the work they do and the cheery way they go about it. Other than each other they are the only people we have had actual contact with so far.

We started watching Starsky and Hutch, from the first series made in 1974. It is surprisingly not terrible and I imagine we will watch more episodes.

Quarantine, Day 9, Monday.

Not a lot of sleep was had last night. A pre-season friendly football match between my team, Arsenal and Eleanor’s, Tottenham Hotspur was on at 1:00am and we ‘got up’ to watch it. We have been together for eight years, and the North London Derby, as this game is known as, happens at least twice a year, sometimes more if we meet in cup competitions. This is only the second time we have watched it together. Our clubs have a bitter rivalry going back to 1913, when Arsenal moved from their original base in Woolwich, south London to Islington in the north. The rivalry does sometimes come across in our supporting and it has been agreed that it is best to not watch this game together; in normal circumstances. Anyway it was a stupid game and not worth waking up for, Arsenal lost.

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I didn’t really sleep properly after the game and was tired all day, fortunately other than a 9:15 roof walk we had nothing else planned…

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We managed to stick to that plan and did nothing else all day, though I did start to scratch out some idea for the short story I wanted to start in MIQ and have failed to do so. It was a fairly listless day.

Quarantine, Day 10, Tuesday.

Four more sleeps.

I spent the first waking hours of this morning, that horrible time when I wake between 2 and 3am and don’t drift back to sleep until after 5, thinking about what things will be like when we get out into the real world.

I am a little apprehensive of this, particularly what (if anything) people expect of me/us. I am of the impression that a lot of people in New Zealand don’t get what it has been like living in a Covid world for the past 15 months. For instance, apart from the occasional elbow bump, the individuals who delivered my two vaccinations and the occasional brush of fingers as I passed a glass or a plate to a friend on those rare occasions we socialised (within the rules of course), I have not touched anyone other than Eleanor since March 2020. There has been no shaking of hands, nor mwah mwah kiss on the cheek or hug goodbye. I am socially awkward at the best of times, and I am not sure how to respond once we can see friends and family in an environment with no restrictions, or any need to have restrictions. It is going to be uncomfortable and I am hoping that people will accept that I/we need time to adjust. An for God’s sake please don’t stand too close to me in a queue.

This world is very different to the one we have just left and I might have to take public transport just to be in the same space as other people wearing masks.

Over the weekend we chose our menu for this week and have drastically reduced the amount of food we are given each day. There is still too much given the low number of calories we are burning, but the volume is less than last week. Today was the only day this week I asked for a cooked breakfast; it was poached egg on corn fritter day and that was my most enjoyed breakfast from last week.

After breakfast we secured a walk in the forecourt. I was surprised by this as it was 9:30 and I thought our chance of getting an un-booked and immediate walk would be low. There was  another couple out and we talked to them for most of the walk and it was very enjoyable, the first time we have properly conversed with people since we arrived. It helped that it is a nice, though cool day.

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It was interesting to see how many uncollected breakfasts were outside other doors on our floor as we walked back to the room. I think that now we are three days into week two some people are just spending more time in bed; for most there is no real need to get up, it’s not as if you can do anything. This may explain why we managed to get a walk in at the first call.

I am still tired, though a lot perkier today, I even spent some time writing as well as reading and perusing social media. Today did not feel like a total waste.

I have not been taking many photos, hence the lack of images in this post. I was hoping to take at least one photo each day, though have barely been able to achieve that. The view has gotten kind of boring and I am lacking in imagination. Maybe tomorrow I will try harder, one of my goals for this time in isolation was to come up with some photography ideas for our time in New Zealand. Writing and taking photos, maybe that was one creative goal too may for isolation. I had forgotten about how bad jet-lag impacts me.

Unless something unexpectedly exciting happens then this day is done. So it is time to click that publish button.

New Zealand. Managed Isolation, Day 7

Saturday 7 August 2021 – Auckland.

Quarantine, Day 4, Wednesday.

The days seem to be moving fairly quickly. So far so good.

Last night I booked an 8:00am walk on the ‘ramp’, a short ramp down into the basement car park below the hotel. We can only walk on the ramp, no deviating into the car park, no walking too close to the street. An airforce person stands there, masked up, watching us. It is only us on the ramp, one bubble at a time. No running.

Most of the time I don’t feel like we are being detained, so get annoyed with people on the MIQ BookFace group we belong to who moan about being in prison. However, being watched by someone in a uniform and a mask does make the situation somewhat prison-like. The BookFace group has been useful and it was where I found out about bringing useful things like sticky hooks for the room, or getting someone to drop off crockery and cutlery. However, I will leave it once we leave isolation and I have it muted now. There is a lot of moaning and there are far too many stupid questions. My tolerance for stupid is notoriously low.

The walk was nice, no roof above us, and as Eleanor pointed out, it was the first time in a week we have walked somewhere that was not dead flat. We have a nice view of the back of Auckland District Court.

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The rest of the day passed in a blur of typing, reading, eating, drinking and the Olympics. Pretty much the same as yesterday (though today we watched the movie Yesterday, which was something we didn’t do yesterday, nor will we do tomorrow). I am writing this tomorrow morning, and really cannot remember anything that stood out from yesterday, or today.

I drank a Fanta, a first in a long time, it was nice and I will have one next week too, but never again, it is too sweet. What happens in isolation stays in isolation.

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Quarantine, Day 5, Thursday.

The day started with a second Russian Dolls watching session with our friends in London and Spain, we watched the last four episodes and agreed it was a very good series. We now need to choose the next series to watch, that one was fun. Truth be told, the day started with coffee and social media in bed, like every other day since lockdown started in March 2020.

I managed to grab an immediate outside walking slot outside when I rang reception, I did not think this was possible, and was very happy to get 30 minutes of walking outside while Eleanor did some exercise in the room. That is the longest we have been apart in the last week. I listened to an old Hawkwind album as I walked and enjoyed it immensely.

I needed to change the contact details on my bank account from my UK phone number to my new NZ number. This is a lot harder than it should be, mainly because all the banks send a text to your old number before you can change it to a new one. Before we left the UK I had (foolishly it now turns out) stopped calls and texts coming to my UK number. I wasn’t going to answer them so there seemed to be no point in receiving them.  Ah ha, I thought, I can log into my mobile account on the Vodafone website and change that feature so I can receive the texts, except the website sends a text to authorise the login… I got there eventually. I considered it a proactive use of otherwise dead time.

We got our day three Covid test result today, as expected they were negative, though there is always a small moment of nervousness before they come through.

The big news for the day was we booked our meals for next week. This was very exciting. We were provided lunch not long after we arrived way back on day zero. What we failed to notice at the time was the feed bag (neigh) had a note attached with a QR code. Hidden behind this QR code was the menu for the week and we could have chosen from an, albeit, limited range of options. Oh well, the food has generally been good. I take excitement where I can.

We managed to get one more walk on the ramp late in the afternoon, we are only allowed on the ramp every second day, sharing is caring and all that.

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There was another nice sunset.

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Quarantine, Day 6, Friday.

We both had the best sleep so far, I am so glad we are getting to process jetlag ourselves, normally I would be falling asleep on mum’s sofa in the early evening while she chats to me. It will be good to not do that when we get out. I am still tired, though this is a reasonably normal state.

We woke up to grey sky and rain, and it remained like that all day. This was a bit of a relief as I told Eleanor (and anyone else who asked) that Auckland is cold and wet in August. on Tuesday our room was 26.5 degrees with the sun beating in through that large window.  I was finally seeing some cold and wet and felt vindicated.

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The big news for the day was fish and chips for lunch, and they were good, it is good to know that that English tradition of fish ‘n chip Friday exists in New Zealand. The only wrong thing with fish ‘n chips for lunch today was we had cancelled the hotel dinner as we were going to order a pizza for dinner. Two big meals in one day, oh well. Explains the waistline I guess. Obviously we went ahead with the pizza order, it was OK.

I had a solo walk in the covered roof space this afternoon, more Hawkwind on the headphones, LP 3 listened to now, still enjoying it and cannot believe I was so disdainful of the band for so long. For a brief moment I was alone in the space, other than the masked up airforce person making sure I behaved myself; no running, no touching the hand rails, mask on at all times. I haven’t been alone for quite some time and am absolutely looking forward to it.

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We have been doing one of the jigsaw puzzles mum dropped off, there is limited space for them and the light is terrible in the evening, but it is almost done, tomorrow we will have the excitement of finishing the seemingly impossible to complete sky.

The rain stayed for the whole day. There is so little to take photos of in, or from the room, so here is some more rain from the room’s big window. I have not desaturated the image, it is just very grey out there.

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Quarantine, Day 7, Saturday.

Half way through and just starting to get a bit bored, though I have yet to start doing anything I planned to do over these two weeks so that must be a good thing. I was planning on writing a short story, or at least starting one. I have a couple of ideas, but am lacking in enthusiasm at the moment. Too tired. There is plenty of time…

Awful sleep, misreading the watch I was up and making coffee at 5:05am, thinking it was after 6. This has left me feeling tired and disconnected all day, and we have run out of coffee with none due until tomorrow.

I had booked a ramp walk for 11 today and mum dropped by while we were out and  gifted us some more oat milk, pre-planned obviously. It was great to briefly see mum, though it is really windy and we were 4 metres apart so could be barely hear each other. A few muffled half-shouted words were all we managed. It was nice though!

We have given up on the puzzle it’s gotten too difficult, the sky is a nightmare, for every piece I put in I am taking another piece out as it is wrong. We don’t have a great workspace so time on the puzzle is spent bent over the low top and we are both feeling it in our lower backs. Time to pack this one away and start the next. 

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We did our own thing this afternoon, happily. I am half way through reading Richard Osman’s ‘The Thursday Murder Club’ and am determined to finish it today, I only started it this morning. It is a lot of fun. Obviously I am not reading a book here.

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New Zealand. Managed Isolation, Day 3

Tuesday 03 August 2021 – Auckland.

There is a knock on the hotel room door, ‘Good morning, health check!’ booms the cheery voice from outside. Mask on, we open the door to be greeted by someone in full PPE (Hands up anyone who knew what PPE meant before Covid-19), we have our temperature taken and are asked how we feel. 30 seconds and it is done, the only regular daily contact with someone from outside the room.

Quarantine, Day 2, Monday

We started our second day at 7:00 am with a Zoom call with friends Paul and Paula; Paula in London and Paul at their holiday home in Liria, Valencia, where we have enjoyed a number of holidays. We have been remotely watching TV with them on a weekly basis since the start of lockdown and are currently watching the series Russian Doll. It was great to be able to carry on with normal things from the other side of the world. Admittedly they were drinking wine and brandy and we were eating breakfast, so it was not quite normal, I should have had a brandy with my coffee.

Breakfast arrived as we watched. I was expecting a repeat of yesterday’s cereal, but today it was pancakes with banana and maple syrup, and it was a good as it sounds. I have gotten fat during the last few weeks and am now the heaviest I have ever been. I had some vague hope of losing some of the fat while in isolation, but this seems completely forlorn and I have no idea why even thought that, the food has been plentiful and nice. Tomorrow we are going to ask for no ‘treats’ in our food package. (This has yet to happen).

Here is the room, pre-covid test result and tidy up. 6 metres at the widest, else a 4m by 4m box with a bathroom. 

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Note the masks hanging on the door handle and key card. We have to wear masks at all times outside of our room, even in the outside exercise area.

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We got the great news of negative Covid tests around mid-day so were issued the fabled and crucial ‘blue band’ which we have to wear when we leave the room.

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We are allowed out to walk in an area out the front of the hotel any time of the day, as long as there is space, you have to ring reception first. We can also book a time slot to walk on a roof terrace and the ‘ramp’. I am excited to see what these are. I am guessing we were some of the last to get our blue bands, so we didn’t get to walk outside immediately, in fact we did not get to walk outside until close to 5:00pm. I think the promise of being out of the room is more the reality than actually getting out.

I did 30 minutes of walking in the room again, that’s two days done. My aim is wear a track in the carpet. I was listening to a 60s freak beat playlist I created a while back, good walking with hips swinging music.

We finally did the unpack of the suitcases and setup of the room, we had been holding off doing this until the test results came in. A positive test would mean a move to a more specialised facility and we didn’t want to jinx it by settling in.  It was good to get organised and the room feels a lot better now.

Now we know we are not going anywhere we placed an order with a supermarket, which was delivered in the afternoon. No food, though there was some wine, it was mostly things like shampoo, vitamin supplements and things too large or heavy too bring with us. Like putting things away, having proper shampoo and moisturiser etc made the room feel a lot more homely.

It has been great having the Olympics on the TV in the background as we go about our day, though I missed the events I wanted to see the most; the BMX and skateboarding.

Quarantine, Day 3, Tuesday.

We woke about 2:00am again, like last night it took a long time to get back to sleep, though unlike last night there was a heck of a storm, with some really high wind shaking the hotel. As I was wide awake I took some night photos out of the small high window, standing on a chair to do it. Looking down Hobson St towards the seafront. We did get back to sleep once things settled. Thankfully.

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Breakfast was the best yet and I wish I had taken a photo. Poached eggs on corn fritters with salsa and guacamole. It was really good. Yum.

I had to make some hard decisions when packing my bags for this trip and it took three goes to finalise the content of the suitcase and backpack. I had to make a number of sacrifices and left behind my tablet, the 24-105 lens for the big Canon camera as well as the small Panasonic camera. I was only allowed 30kg and didn’t really want to pay the high price to purchase more weight allowance. Even with those sacrifices my two bags totalled 31.5kg and I was grateful to Emirates for not charging me, nor for weighing my 10kg of carry-on, a further 3kg over the limit. Phew.

What I was not prepared to compromise on was bringing the cafeteria, coffee and the milk frother. These have certainly made the mornings nicer.

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Mum brought some more goodies in the morning, including a couple of jigsaw puzzles, we were hoping to be able to go and see her and wave through the fence from the outdoor walking area, though this was closed again today as it was day three testing day. We were called up for our tests just as mum would have arrived, so in some ways it was good we were not outside. A further two day wait for results. There is one more test on day 12, just before we leave.

Eleanor had a surprise delivery of a lovely and huge bunch of flowers from her new employers, her contract starts on 30 August. I am rather envious; I have never had an employer send me flowers before I start work as a welcome to the country. Lovely.

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The rest of the day passed quickly enough, Olympics on the TV provided a background to reading, photo editing and blog writing. I finished (reading) the novel I started on the plane and have now started reading a hefty tome on the space rock band Hawkwind, a band I long derided as hopeless acid-head hippies. My music tastes have changed over the years, and it is time to learn something about, and listen to a band that are key influencers on so much music that I like. 14 days in isolation seems like a good time to listen to Hawkwind. This book contributed to my overweight hand luggage.

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At 6:00pm we had an appointment with the level 10 walking area, there is a removable roof though it was mostly shut, just a fraction open to the night air. I stood in that spot and took these two photos on my camera. It was nice feeling even a slight breeze of air that was not from the aircon.

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We had a 30 minute walk and shared the space with two other ‘bubbles. I enjoyed stretching my legs, and getting an opportunity to start wearing in a new pair of boots.

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The floor has windows on two sides and it was really nice just walking and staring outside, a much bigger view to the one we have in our room.

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Three days done.

New Zealand. Managed Isolation, Day 1

Sunday 01 August 2021 – Auckland.

Thursday 29 July, London Heathrow.

I left my home in New Zealand on 27 December 2011 to go and see the world, and today, nine and a half years later I leave home again, this time to go to New Zealand. This return has been a long time in the planning, Eleanor had to apply for a visa and then we had the challenge of booking a place in New Zealand’s managed isolation system before we could book our flights. Covid-19 has certainly made travelling more difficult, but here we are, sitting in the departure lounge at Heathrow Airport, supping the first pre-flight nerves reducing gin. Phew.

I am not sure what direction this post is going to take as I start writing, it will probably ramble all over the place, we will see. I doubt I will finish it before the plane takes off in two hours time.

Sunday 01 August 2021, Auckland.

Well, I guess that second paragraph was prophetic, maybe too much so, as I didn’t write anything further in the airport and only made some vague scribbles in my notebook as we flew. Oh well.

Today is day one of 14 in managed isolation in Auckland. We arrived in New Zealand yesterday, but that only officially counts as day zero. New Zealand’s very strict border policies mean that you have to spend 336 hours from the time you land at the airport in an isolation facility of the governments choosing. None of this ‘promising’ to stay at home stuff like they have in the UK. 336 hours is 14 days, they use hours to give people an exact time they can expect to leave. We landed at 11:02 on Saturday and will be released at 11:02 (ish) 14 days later. We are being picked up from the hotel by my son on 14 August, so 13 sleeps to go.

The flight over was OK. Long, as you would expect given New Zealand is on the other side of the world, but I have had longer journeys to and from. The plane was fuller than I expected but nowhere near what it is normally like and all three legs of the journey were reasonably comfortable.

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We had 110 minutes in Dubai airport, long enough for a coffee and the long walk between arrival and departure lounge. It was good to stretch our legs. Dubai is fully open and the difference between it and Heathrow was marked. Dubai was buzzing, there were lots of people, and I would guess 95% of them were wearing masks. Heathrow was pretty deserted, there were only five flights leaving on Thursday evening, which explains the lack of travellers, and the fact that lots of the retails outlets were closing at 7:30pm. I am guessing that only half the people waiting were wearing masks. Maybe the UK’s attitude to mask wearing and Covid in general is the problem and people just don’t want to risk coming here, or maybe I should say ‘going there’ as I am now on the other side of the world.

The plane stopped in Kuala Lumpur to refuel, though we were not allowed off the plane. Those going to Malaysia were allowed off, which provided a bit more room. Eleanor and I have a row of three seats each for the final and longest leg to Auckland. Though naturally the arm rests on my seats were broken and one of them didn’t fold up so I could not lie down. Oh well. I had books and music and watched some terrible films.

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New Zealand!

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It took ages to get through the six check points at Auckland airport; medical, customs, immigration; at least twice, and those who ask you about fruit. It was frustrating, but understandable. We were then shoved onto a bus and it was revealed we would be doing our two week isolation at Rydges Hotel in downtown Auckland. We had no idea where we would end up, but it was looking quite possible we could end up in Christchurch; which we would have been quite happy with. Rydges wasn’t even on the radar so it was a bit of a surprise.

We were on the fourth of five buses, each with only a handful of people on it, the idea being to keep social isolation as much as possible, and if one is infected then there are less close contacts, who have to isolate as well. The process of getting into the hotel was slow, thorough and organised, run by the air force and it showed. It was a relief to finally get into our room, though we had to wait a few hours for our bags, and that much wanted shower.

The room is OK, basic at best, and we were pretty disappointed in it to be fair; however the following day, after a good sleep and some good food, we are warming to it. We are never going to love it as we have seen photos of rooms in other hotels that look amazing, some even have Nespresso machines, balconies and baths. We have the bare minimum. Spartan is almost the word. 

We had the first of three Covid tests late on Saturday, day zero, the next is on day three and the final on day 12. There is a two day wait for results; hence the final test being on day 12. You are not allowed out of your room until the day zero results are in, and negative.  I is going to be a long two days wait I think, we are very looking forward to being outside after 48 hours in airports, planes, buses and the hotel room.

Sunday was spent in the room, dozing, reading, eating – there is a lot of food and so far it has been great. I managed to do a 30 minute walk in the room, back and forth over the 6 metre width. It was OK. We had read a lot about isolation and had a number of tips for making it better. I had packed washing line and clothes pegs and some stick on hooks, the hooks worked best. There is almost nowhere in the room to hang the washing line so I am experimenting with sticky hooks stuck to a window, hopefully the small load of washing won’t come crashing down in the night.  The hotel will do two loads of washing for us, one a week, so we will do the small stuff every couple of days; partly for something to do.

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We had arranged for my sister to drop off plates and bowls and cutlery to make eating more enjoyable, eating from cardboard take away bowls with wooden forks is not nice. Some hotels supply proper eating utensils, ours doesn’t, as I said it was basic…. 

Lunch day zero, sandwich, salad, cakes, fruit and water. We sent the roast beef sandwich back as we asked for vegetarian food, they sent another salad. We had a repeat of a meat meal on Sunday night so are now thinking they think there is only one pescatarian and not two.

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Breakfast day one. Healthy! Muesli in the bowls.

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The best feature of the room is the view out a huge window, we can see the harbour bridge which is great, sadly there are no windows that open, so no chance of any ‘fresh’ air. This was a major disappointment as we have had three days of aircon, and were looking forward to opening a window.

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There is nothing we can do about it, and I have moved on from the initial frustration. The main thing is we are here, and so many are still waiting to come over. I have talked to mum, my sister and my son which has been great, and we look forward to being able to see them soon.

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There ends day one in isolation, and this post, which didn’t go anywhere I thought it would when I started it on Thursday.

Hoping to get our test results early tomorrow so we can at least get out for a walk in the carpark….

Some Polaroids

Thursday 22 July 2021 – London.

I went to the office today, the second to last day of work before I start my six-month career break. I didn’t need to go in, one of the positive things I can say about the government department I work for is that there has been no compulsion for us plebs to return to the office, and current thinking suggests there won’t be until at least September. Ironically, that’s what they said about this time last year and we know how that turned out. I had to return my laptop, clear a couple of personal items from my locker, and most importantly, see some workmates I’ve rarely seen in the flesh for quite some time.

To be honest, I am also sick of being at home, especially as it’s been 29/30 degrees most days and I’m working in the dark in the bedroom as I don’t want to let the morning sun in. I think Eleanor would say (if she was being polite) that I have been tetchy these last couple of days. Boredom, heat, electing to not go out because we don’t want to test positive before we have fly, have all made Phil a grumpy old man.

So yeah, getting out of the house was a good thing.

Work was fine, the journey in on the tube was as expected; a lot more people not wearing masks as they don’t have to, and they are selfish arseholes who couldn’t care less for anyone other than themselves

I packed the Polaroid in my bag before I left this morning. I don’t use it enough and have decided not to take it to New Zealand. I had an eight pack of film left so thought I would walk from Westminster to Liverpool St Station and take the overground train home, avoiding the Tube, and take some photos on the way.

Covid Memorial wall

I didn’t have much of a plan; walk Thames side to St Paul’s, take a photo of the cathedral and one of Tate Modern on the opposite side of the river, then see whatever happens.

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St Pauls 1

After walking up the stairs from the Thames to take the photo of St Pauls I was inspired to cross the river and walk to London Bridge and pay my respects to ‘Fairy Towers’m – my late friend Kev’s flat in London Bridge, where I lived from February 2013 to July 2014.

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Wow, this place has changed in the last seven years. Where there were some garages in the estate where the flat was, there is now another small block. Kev told me they were building something here but it has all been finished and people are living there now. I think it is all much needed social housing, least I hope so.

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Kev’s flat was on the 12th floor and had such a great view, I very much appreciated living there for so long.

Fairy Towers

I walked past Guys Hospital and took a photo from the foot of the Shard.

The Shard

Then crossed over London Bridge, stopping to take a photo of Tower Bridge and the Thames.

Tower bridge

There are a lot more people around now, I was quite hot from walking in the sun and was going to stop for a last pub pint but everywhere was too busy. So I carried on going and bought a can at the beer shop near home. I drank it on my own in the garden, it was nice.

There is one week until we leave, so we have decided to not go anywhere unnecessary, except Tuesday when we have to go back into central London to get our pre-flight PCR Covid test.

Addendum….

We walked locally and I used the last of the Polaroid film up. Eleanor’s house in Walthamstow.

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The old mill house, now a cafe and gift shop for Walthamstow Wetlands.

Wetlands Pumphouse

Postman’s Park. Eleanor showed me this lovely little park after we had our PCR tests. It has a small memorial wall to people who died saving others, sadly the final plaque is from 1903. It has some lovely tributes to a range of people, young and old who were killed saving family members or strangers. There were a lot of drownings and fires in 19th century London.

Postmans Park

To return the favour I took Eleanor to St Dunstan-in-the-East as she hadn’t visited before and it is one of my new favourite old places in London. I took one final Polaroid.

St Dunstan-in-the-East

That is it for London and England for a while. We fly tomorrow (29 July), our PCR results came back negative this morning, so nothing left to do but wait for one more day.

Home

Thursday 22 July 2021 – London.

It’s hot, too hot for me. I am wired and tired after a long couple of weeks and the past few nights have been intolerably hot. London summer hot, thick and far too warm for houses built 120 years ago. Sleep has been hard to find for the last seven nights and it’s showing in my mood, which has not been the best. Eleanor has gone to bed (not due to my mood) and I am sat here in the backroom of her house in Walthamstow drinking wine and pondering bed but knowing I will just lie there sweating, with an aching hip or knee or ankle, or some rotating combination of all three, just like last night and nights previous. A part of me is saying what is the point of going to bed? Wine seems like the best solution right now, but shit, I have to make some effort to ‘attend’ the last day of work tomorrow. I have one last document I said I would write…

I was slumped on the sofa, listening to music and staring at the wall in front of me when I realised what was on that wall in front of me. This started me reflecting on what this room contains and what it all means to me. My laptop was on the floor playing music so I picked it up and wrote this.

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Directly in front of me is Eleanor’s tiny desk, she finished her last contract at the end of June and her monitor is now in the loft with a bunch of possessions we are leaving here. Resting on the desk is a map of Auckland with pins and post-its and highlighter marks showing where my family live, the bits we have visited and places we could consider living in. An orientation map; we have visited three times, but I do the driving, and well, if you aren’t driving do you need to know how you get to places? I think this map has been helpful for Eleanor to better understand the layout of the city.

Above and left is a framed map of Walthamstow. Eleanor was born here so this is her home town, and she has a huge amount of (deserved) pride in the ‘Stow. Auckland is not my home town, but it is where I spent my life from the age of 11 so there is some symbiotic relationship between our maps. I love Walthamstow too, and hope Eleanor loves Auckland, maybe she will love it more than I do.

Next to the Walthamstow map is a small book shelf. On top of the shelf is the framed cover of the December 1977 issue of ‘Air Dukes!’ a Walthamstow music fanzine, with a photo of The Clash on the cover. Eleanor saw The Clash, and lots of my other favourite groups, a lot. Next to that is a print of a poster of David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust – Live at the Rainbow. In front of the Air Dukes poster, and mostly covering the photo of The Clash is a half flat football, with Tottenham written on it…

We both love football and music. It has to be said that Eleanor loves football more than me, she has been a Tottenham fan all her life, as I have been an Arsenal fan; though my fan-ness has been distant, and I have not been a multi-year season ticket holder like Eleanor. There are certain games we do not watch together; other than those games our football rivalry only bubbles up in the occasional sarcastic comment regarding refereeing decisions and the odd tetchy moment. Naturally I am at fault for all of these. Apparently.

The bookshelf is packed, doubled up books on every shelf, we have books everywhere; in the shed, in the loft both here and at my flat, and there is a full shelf of books behind me too. I look at the books in front of me and there is no order to the chaos. Eleanor’s books, my books; novels (the pulp ones are mine), music, travel, history, football and cooking, they all stand out. We read a lot, some, but not all have been read by both of us and some have been read more than once.

To the right of me is the record shelf. We have a lot of records between us. Unlike the books our records have remained separated. I point the finger at myself for this, and no I cannot explain this either. It is deeply complex and way too tied up in my psyche to explain, especially after a wine or two too many on a Thursday. We both love music, though I am the active purchaser of records at the moment. Leaning against the shelf is a large framed print of a photo I took from some friends seafront balcony in St Leonards of dark angry storm clouds looming over the sea. They are borrowing the print while we are away and I am quite pleased by this.

To the left is a TV and a door to the garden.

Behind me, to the left is another comingled bookshelf and my meagre collection of 7” singles, and to the right is another shelfing unit with more of my records, my old turntable, an amp and speakers and Eleanor’s 7” singles. The amp and turntable work, but don’t get used as much as the one I had in the flat, which is now in the loft.

The sofa I have semi-slumped into is a 70s Ercol sofa I bought for my flat, Eleanor had the cushions reupholstered  and it’s the only piece of furniture we brought back to Walthamstow.

So, what is this drunken ramble saying? It is saying that this small, 10 by 12 ft (very hot) room pretty much encapsulates what drew us closer together; the things that made that first date in 2013 turn into a second and third date and still interest us now; books, music, football and our place in the world (and pizza).

Next Thursday we leave for Auckland and a new phase in our lives, but I am looking forward to being back in this room, sitting on this sofa, drinking wine, listening to old reggae and reflecting on those new adventures.

Future London past

Sunday 11 July 2021 – London.

Tapping Lido on the shoulder, I raised my fist in the air, signalling to those behind to stop and be silent. We drop to a crouch, eyes searching all around. What instinct made me do this? There is no sound, no unfamiliar noise, nothing to signal apparent and immediate danger. I am the clan tracker and the silence is what worries me; the complete absence of sound. We are in dense undergrowth, deep in a massive forest and not far from a large river, yet there is no bird call. Nothing. I count down 60 seconds in my head. I signal and we rise as one and carefully resume our journey along this narrow, deeply overgrown path, Lido is slashing our way through the tangle of vine and bramble as quietly as possible. Our hunt for food is too critical, we can’t return with nothing.

I hear a bird call, I raise my fist again and we stop, silent once more. The call is repeated, this time it is closely followed by a response. My experienced ears tell me these are not natural and confirm my previous instinct, we are being tracked. The time for slow careful progress is over, those behind me draw bows and, unsheathing my own machete, I move forward to join Lido and we both start to hack our way forward. There’s a ruin ahead, not far I think, if we can make it we will be better able to fight off any challenges with the stone at our backs. We may get to see the day out.

We are way out of our tribal zone of Walthamstow, I pray those following are from Camden where we have occasional and friendly trade, yet fear they are Pimlicans, bitter enemies. Since the great levelling in the 2030s when the Thames flooded and the city reverted to primal swamp and dense jungle, the tribal zones have been at war, fighting for food and drinkable water in this miserable poisonous swamp.

We hear more calling from behind and to one side; they must know we’re heading for the relative safety of the ruin and are trying to get ahead of us. We slash faster, those with bows have them raised with arrows loaded and strings tightened. The top of the collapsed dome of St Paul’s Cathedral appears through the forest, not far. A few more minutes and we will have a fighting chance….

This is future London. Welcome.

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We have been doing quite a bit of packing and tidying over the past couple of days, so after discovering my big camera was actually still working I thought I would take it for a walk around the finance part of the City, then visit one of my favourite hidden spots; the ruins of St Dunstans-in-the-East. Modern architecture of London’s scale doesn’t exist in Auckland, and neither do old and ruined churches.

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Today is the final of Euro 2020, postponed from last year due to the pandemic. The final of this European wide football tournament is here in London, at Wembley Stadium, tonight. England are playing Italy, but it’s a pandemic so surely there won’t be loads of pissed-up England fans in the City at 10:30am, 9 half hours before kick-off?

Wrong. They were already standing on the tables at the pub outside Liverpool St Station flailing their plastic pint glasses in the air. The cry of ‘INGER……LAND’ being spat out of frothy lipped red faces. Mask on, I hurried past.

I crossed the road, away from the station and the building crowd, and dived down one of the many side streets and into the financial district. It’s Sunday, it should be quieter here. Other than the short walk to St Dunstans, I had no plan and just let the flow of the buildings guide me, avoiding people where possible, stopping to take photos where appropriate.  I took a few.

The City has changed in the few short years since I was regularly walking past, a number of the towers that were being built have been completed. I guess it has been easier to block roads or to get permission to make noise over extended hours when they are less people around to raise a complaint.

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I liked these chairs and table, particularly that three were tucked in and one was left out; a lone smoker or bored security guard taking a rest?  There were plenty of them about on this Sunday morning.

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I did a fair bit of looking up on my walk, always intrigued by the compressed view as the towers lean in on each other, distorted by the wide-angle lens.

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I took a lot more photos looking up than I did looking along. Today, ground level was less interesting.

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I was trying to find some good examples of age contrast in the buildings and this was the best I could find that didn’t have people blocking the view. St Olave’s Church tower from 1450, through some post war low rise blocks to the least loved building in London, 20 Fenchurch St; ‘The Walkie Talkie’ completed in 2014, built 564 years after the church. I won’t see this in Auckland and I will miss it. I must try and make use of the architecture that is there though, less moaning, more pro-activiity.

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After wandering randomly through a collection of small streets and narrow alleys, I found my destination –  the ruins of St Dunstans-in-the-East. Its overgrown and moss stained walls the inspiration for that short piece of fiction above.

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I came here in January 2018 (it seems like yesterday) and very much wanted to get back before we leave for New Zealand in 18 days. I was hoping I would have it to myself. That was a rather desperate hope and wasn’t to be, though it was quiet enough for me to take photos without anyone sticking themselves in them.

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Its not a big site, but is fantastic and I love it,  a little oasis of peace, at least at the weekend. It’s a lot more overgrown that it was when I was here in winter; it had the feel I was after and I am reasonably pleased with the photos I managed to get in the short time I was there.

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Leaving St Dunstans, I walked down towards the Thames and upon arriving found a lot of people wandering about, heading towards the various bars for the game. It was a lot busier than I wanted it to be so I moved back up into the quieter streets of the city to take a few more images before heading back to the station. Some final (or almost final, who knows I may get out again!) images before we leave. There is something quite special about the City of London on a Sunday.

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The station was rammed, loads of drunk idiots singing and shouting, a train load arrived from Essex as I was walking through. I hurried off onto a quiet platform away from them, mask firmly on. I want to stay clear of potential Covid spreaders. 18 days of Covidiot avoidance to go. I took a home test a couple of days later just in case. Negative, thankfully.

Apart from the really drunk football ‘fans’, that was fun. I am so pleased my camera isn’t dead (this time). Much as it is heavy and the lenses are scratched and the sensor needs cleaning, I love its bulk and feel, the way it works and the quality of the images I can get.

The day before, Saturday, Eleanor and I went for a walk around Walthamstow, up to a strangely almost deserted Hollow Pond. On the way we discovered Phlegm painting a piece on a wall in St Peters-in-the-Forest churchyard as part of the E17 Art Trail. I was very happy with that, a final Phlegm before we go.

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I also took a photo of this small warehouse converted into a house, just because.

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I am going to write another short story soon, and hopefully the two weeks in isolation will give me the time and space to do it.  Lido and future London will definitely be in it.

 

Not forgotten (nor forgiven)

Thursday 08 July 2021 – London.

Time seems to be disappearing at pace at the moment, but it also seems to be dragging unbelievably slowly, the days seemingly taking longer than the weeks. I am struggling with motivation, especially at work. It is difficult, though in real world terms I am of course lucky to have so little to contend with.

This week saw the UK government announce that, even though it is projected there could be up to/at least 100,000 covid-19 infections a day later in the month, it is time to remove all restrictions and let life return to ‘normal’ on 19 July. This in turn caused the NZ government to announce they may ban all flights from the UK to protect the country. We are due to fly on 29 July so you can imagine how this has made me feel. Fingers crossed that neither of these things come to pass, but infections have now passed 30,000 a day and are growing. We are both double vaccinated so theoretically and statistically we should be fine, but I don’t want a positive test to scupper the trip we have been looking forward to for months, nor do we want to get ill.

Now we are back in London I was planning on going to the office two or three days a week. My workspace here is so much smaller than that in the flat and the office is big and air-conditioned and more comfortable than working from home. I have been in a few times and there are very few people on my floor, but with infections rising and mask wearing getting less prevalent on the Tube I am going to wind that back and only go in when needed. Today was one of those days. I had arranged to meet Steve for an after work photo-walk followed by some food and a couple of pints.

In preparation for this, last night I got my big camera out of the camera bag and after charging the battery discovered it was completely dead. No response at all when I turned it on, bugger, this is not what I want just when I am about to finish work, have no job lined up and am three weeks off from embarking on our 6 month minimum trip back to New Zealand. I tried a bunch of things but just could not get it to go, so charged the battery in the little camera and packed that instead. At least it is light.

I was meeting Steve at Embankment station and I took a few photos on the way. Making the most of the opportunity of working in a fairly old part of London; there is no history this historical in Auckland.

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Neither Steve or I were really feeling the photo-walk idea, we have both done this part of London too many times and work has been sucking the life out of both of us lately, interest was low.  We crossed the Thames and agreed to take a slow walk towards the pub he had booked a table at. It was a bit of aimless amble, the graffiti walls of Leake Street Tunnel was the first stop. I was pleased to see that there are now more bars and cafes opened up in the main tunnel offshoots. I always felt these were wasted opportunities.

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We walked round the side of Waterloo Station and found some classic English 60s tower block action.

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Back to the embankment. I had completely forgotten about the Covid Memorial wall, and it is long and frightening and wonderful and immensely sad. There are thousands and thousands of names and memories to those who have succumbed to this hideous virus. Walking past it, looking at the names and reading the messages very much puts into perspective my complaints about my desk at home being too small.

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If only the bastards in this place on the Thames bank directly opposite showed some real humility and came over here and read these all too human stories, then took stock of what their negligence has done, hung their heads in shame and resigned.

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There were not may photos on or by the wall which made this one so poignant. 18 years old, so sad.

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Crossing the river via Vauxhall Bridge took us past Tate Britain and through the grounds of UAL, a space I really like, it is always peaceful here when I pass through and the buildings are lovely, and just a little faded.

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We arrived exactly on time for our table booking at The Cask, a beer pub in Pimlico we have been to before; though memories of that evening are vague as they have some very strong beer. We didn’t make the same ‘mistake’ this time, eating a very good burger and chips as well as drinking substantially less. They have the best pub toilets I have ever seen and I am actually very jealous of those tiles.

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4 days later…. Using the mystic powers of the internet I have fixed my big camera. This has made me very happy.

The South Woodford Interchange

Sunday 04 July 2021 – Walthamstow.

South Woodford high street smells of KFC. It is a rather unique smell, and totally different to the fried stuff smell that emanates from other chicken shops. Not that there were other chicken shops on South Woodford high street. It may be the next suburb over but South Woodford is not Walthamstow where fried chicken shops seem to breed like rabbits, or maybe chickens. I think both sets of residents would be happy with that difference. They might be neighbours but they are worlds apart.

Perhaps the smell of deep fried dead things only existed for that brief moment I walked up the high street and South Woodford normally just smells of burnt diesel and petrol like every other Range Rover filled suburb on London’s Essex fringe. Who knows? I probably won’t be back there in the next three weeks to find out, nor do I know anyone to ask; we may be neighbours etc.

We moved back to London the Friday before last, to Eleanor’s house in Walthamstow, which is currently occupied by one of her sons and his girlfriend. Yesterday a tenant moved into my flat in St Leonards. While these are eminently practical things as we fly to New Zealand in four weeks and we have a lot of organising of stuff to do, one (or maybe two) more weeks by the sea on our own would have been nice. I am finding it stressful sharing a house and with so much to organise, but we have done a huge amount in the last week and things will ease. I hope.

This weekend I have spent time packing stuff away and throwing stuff out (though not books and records!) and was as organised as I was going to be by lunch time. As we were low on bread and milk I volunteered to go and buy some so I could get out of the house for a bit, stretch my legs, clear my mind and maybe take some photos.

Once out of the house and on the way to nowhere in particular I remembered that I wanted to take some photographs of the overpass where the A406 (the dreaded North Circular) joins the M11 and a road that goes somewhere, though I have no idea where. A minor league spaghetti junction that we pass whenever we drive to and from the flat. It was not too far from one of the many supermarkets I can walk to so it seemed like a worthwhile objective.

I took these two photos on the way.

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The overpasses were not quite where I thought they were, or I wasn’t where I thought I was and I found myself walking under a rail bridge in South Woodford where I found a closed car park. Only very small cars would fit in those spaces.

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Out the other side I walked back over the bridge and from the top I could see beyond the houses to the motorway and where I wanted to go, it wasn’t far off. I had just misjudged how deep the bend in the motorway was.

I found an underpass under the A406 and stopped to take a photo, planning on going through it on my way back; though naturally I went another way back and completely forgot about the underpass until I was almost at the supermarket. Lesson learnt; always do something at the time, never plan to do it on the way back or later. Admittedly, this is a lesson I should have learned a long time ago and still fail miserably to on every occasion.

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Back on track I soon found what I was looking for; this wonder of concrete, steel and tar seal. It is not the biggest or most complex intersection, but it is the one I have, and I need to make use of what is local to me, especially now I no longer have a car to hand. I kinda wish I had the big camera with a couple of lenses rather than the little camera with the 20MM lens. [4 days later I discovered that the big camera is now dead, and now I need to make camera related decision again, something I wasn’t expecting, or wanting to do].

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I like how some attempt had been made to green the place, though only half the trees seem to have survived.

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Access to the other side was blocked by a fenced off construction storage area so I couldn’t easily get to the other end, though I had seen enough and was satisfied. One more mission to be taken off this list.

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I really need to do more urban landscape photography as I quite enjoyed myself.

On the way to the supermarket I stopped on a bridge over the A406 and remembered that I had meant to walk under it.

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The Barrow – a short story

This is the first short story I have written, and the first piece of fiction I have shared publicly.  A few weeks ago I shared that I had sent a piece of flash fiction off to a competition,  though it closed at the end of May they are not announcing anything until September so that story will stay hidden away for a bit longer.

I started writing this months ago, then got stuck and left it for quite some time, finally finishing the first full draft in October, with an edit over the Christmas break and a second in February.  I haven’t touched it since, though last week decided that I would do a quick once over edit and then post on June 21, the summer solstice, when the story is set.  I don’t think I will ever be satisfied with it, so am going to be brave and just share it. There are about 6,500 words (some swearing), so maybe get a drink first.   Enjoy…

The Barrow

Awake. Woken by what? I’ve no idea; whatever disturbed me is no longer making its presence felt. There’s no hint of a missed sound, no lingering smell. It’s dark, the darkest I’ve experienced; not a glimmer or suggestion of light, it’s completely and utterly absent. A short sharp shiver passes through me, though the air isn’t particularly cold and it’s dry, as is the stone floor I’m curled up on. I’m wearing all my clothes and can feel my trainers under my head, a not uncomfortable pillow. Holding my breath, not daring to move, I freeze for a few seconds, waiting for whatever woke me to make a sound, but nothing stirs. Is the whatever that woke me doing the same? Waiting silently.

I raise my head, breathe out, then in and hold again. Nothing. I sit up and stretch, bones aching from sleeping on the stone. I have no idea of the time, I no longer wear a watch and, checking my phone, I find the battery is dead. Long dead or short dead? I don’t know, time has become blurred; elongated or shortened? Here, underground, where the journeys of the sun and the moon are unseen, where movement is measured in millennia, human time means nothing.

I reach for my head torch, fumbling briefly in the dark, finding it where it should be, next to my shoes, where my head recently lay. I turn it on, filtering yellowy light through my fingers, not wanting to disturb the others if they’re still sleeping. I gradually move my hand, releasing more and more light into the space until the full beam penetrates the blackness. I cast the light around, across the floor, round the base of the walls, everywhere; this cave isn’t big. I discover I’m alone.

I can’t, and don’t know how to, react; the beer, vodka and weed has left me befuddled and slow. With a smoke-and-drink-dry voice I half call out, a croak. No response, I call again, clearer, louder, then again more urgently, the pitch rising with a touch of alarm. Still no response. Too tired to worry or to think, my barely functioning brain tells me my friends have slipped off to another chamber to shag. I turn off the torch, place it back next to my shoes, lie down and drift back to sleep. To dreams.

I dream of gods, of those once human who became gods when they left the earth in that time before time. I dream of glory. Glory in battle with honourable beasts that fed my family, my tribe, my people. Glory in defeating those who arrived uninvited in our lands. Glory in death pure and clean, glory in life after death, glory in the everlasting party of heroes.

I dream of death, and pain, and blood and sacrifice. A life cut short, cut down from behind, betrayal.

I dream of vengeance.

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Posh Dave, Rebekah and I met at college. Three students who didn’t arrive with prepared friends, we were the immediate misfits. We didn’t hit it off at the start, but just like in the movies, we ended up hanging together and, just like in the movies, it was simpler and safer that way. An unexpected but comfortable solidarity between our year’s misfits and weirdoes.

Posh Dave was sort of a local, though not as much of a townie as Bex. He lives in a big house just out of town. The lords of the manor type thing, apparently his family have been living there forever. He’d been to an expensive junior school somewhere else before his parents ran out of cash. Or, if you believe the rumour, his dad got busted for some dodgy financing and got sent away. Either way, he was now at the local comprehensive just like us. He’s not at all like Bex and I, but he makes us laugh and is as much one of us as he isn’t one of the others.

Bex is an odd one; she grew up here, totally hates the place and the people in it. She once told us she could never leave, was bound to the town; doomed to live, grow old and die here. Her mum passed away a couple of winters ago. Too many years of smoking, depression and poverty led to a short and painful, for Bex at least, illness and she just lost the will live. Bex says the town killed her. Being angry is what kept her going, and being here is what keeps her angry. She looks like Joey Ramone; tall and hungry lean, leather jacket, Ts, jeans and sneakers. Not the youth uniform of semi-rural Somerset in 2019.

Me, I’m Pete and my story is simple, and all too common these days. My folks no longer liked anything about where we lived in East London. It was always a bit shabby for their middle class pretensions. Then more foreigners started moving in, the Polish builders, Romanian cleaners and Lithuanian kitchen hands, the people that keep the country running but we don’t want to see. We moved down to this rural shit-dump of a town for the start of college. A fresh start. A new life with better housing, different jobs, away from bad influences, and of course, ‘proper’ English people.

I hated them for moving us; away from my friends, my crew, my scene, the punks and goths. I even miss the long-haired metal kids. I miss the dodgy convenience stores that sell cheap booze and fags to the local kids, that DIY that never asks for ID to buy spray paint, the illicit gigs and the house parties, skulking around after hours in the city, looking for places to explore; tunnels to enter or unsecured cranes to climb. Punk rock, urbex and graff, it’s what we lived for, what I loved, taken away from me when we moved.

Over the past two years we’ve become pretty tight; thrown together by not fitting in, the school forcing us to be friends as we had no others. We were never the Three Amigos, or the Three Musketeers or the Three Anything At All. To the rest of school we were just seen as losers, they called us ‘twats’, or if they were feeling verbose ‘The Twats’. We cared less, their opinion counted for nothing, rednecks, morons and straights; boring, run-of-the mill small town normals. All of them.

Rob was another local, like Bex he was born and bred in the town, but unlike Bex he was the complete townie, puffer jackets, tight jeans, Nike trainers, gold chains and high street hip-hop. Nothing like us, he was the anti-misfit, good looking and sporty; the girls loved him and the football lads admired him; some of them probably loved him too, though it isn’t that sort of town. He was a year older than us, dropped out of school as soon as he could, taking an apprenticeship with a local garage, a bit of a car guy, but not a total motor-head. He didn’t hang out with us and was never part of our wider group, but he was OK, he never gave us any grief, and we could share a drink or a smoke and a laugh with him. He was better than the others. It was a surprise when he came to the solstice rave with us last summer and even more of a surprise when he never appeared back in town again.

School has finished (thank fuck). It’s summer and the longest day of the year, the solstice. It’s boring and hot and there are no jobs for students and there is nothing to do until university starts and I can get away from here. I did OK in my exams, enough I think, so hopefully I’m off to university in Newcastle. As far away from small town and even smaller minded rural Somerset as I can get.

Our music; 90s punk rock, Joy Division, Cave and Cohen, Sisters of Mercy and Fields of the Nephilim. Music from the past, discovered in experiments with parental record collections as we searched for something more fulfilling than what’s offered to us; the ever repeated blandness of youthful bearded singer song writers and imported pap from America, that meaningless shit that pervades and perverts the taste of our generation. We want something that speaks to our disconnected, placeless souls, something with meaning, words that reflect our experiences, our isolation, the way we feel. Music formed into playlists to get stoned to in the car, on beaches and in forests, in fields under the sky, away from the norms and rules of daily life. Maybe they are just false memories from a time we never knew, a past that belonged to others, but at least our music was chosen by us, not curated and delivered, packaged by an algorithm at some faceless corporation. As false as everything and anything.

We may as well party and enjoy ourselves while we have the chance, the three of us, together, maybe for the last time. We set off early into the summer evening, clear skied, with the sun a long way from setting. Posh Dave driving, Bex next to him in the front providing direction, I’m drinking cheap lager alone in the back. They’re together, and have been for a year, ever since Rob went to London and disappeared. They may seem like an odd couple from the outside; he so shiny and mannered, she the crusty punk, but they make sense to me. I know where they’re from. I’m jealous of Posh though, being a bit street I saw myself as having the better chance. Fair play to him though, I love them both.

None of us are hanging around after summer, Posh and Bex (yeah I know) are off to Europe, working where they can for food and lodging and staying as far away from this shitty island for as long as possible. Brexit Britain, who the fuck wants to be here?

This was to be the first of our last outings together. Today is the anniversary of Rob going away; we want to celebrate his escape to the city and life away from here. We’re visiting hidden places; standing stones and ancient burial grounds, the holy places of prior generations, those of the unknown but not yet forgotten sects; on hill tops, in woodland and deep underground. The secret places, known only to locals, passed down through generations, the weird places that few outside the South West know. Fuck those big tourist sites. Disneylands all of them.

It’s our last chance to roam and be free together before we split and do our own thing. Who knows if we will ever get to do this again.

|——————————-|

I wake again, screaming into the pitch-black nothingness, the lone sound of my voice reverberates off the walls and roof of the chamber, a feedback loop of my own, pitched too high, too loud. I stop screaming and the echo stops with me, leaving an empty silence. No questions, no responses, no care. Just that empty silence. No one is there. Flicking on my head torch I cast the beam around the chamber, as before the light reports back what I already fear. I’m alone. Underground, with no idea how deep below the surface or far into the system I am, how I got here, nor how to get back out again. I want to know where my friends are, what’s happened to them. Did they abandon me as a joke? Are they lost? Have they fallen down a hole or been trapped by rock fall? Have they been taken? Where the hell are they!

The fuzziness in my head from before has been replaced by the dull deep ache of a mixed drink hangover. I don’t need that shit right now.

|——————————-|

There is this place Bex knows, a rare place, a secret place, known only to a few who have lived here for generations. She promises us that it will be the bomb; the best thing that will happen to us this summer, if not ever. She promises a big reveal, but leaves no hint. Nada, nowt. Nothing.

“Wait,” is all she will say.

It took two hours to get here, though I suspect we’re not that far from where we started, I’m sure we passed some places more than once. I didn’t care, left alone in the back of the car with beer and a soundtrack of hopelessness and betrayal, romantic despair and unrequited love, I was in my happy place. Wasted and drifting, disconnected from the hopelessness of life in small town England and a future that would, probably, never be realised. A brief moment of release, the last outings with friends before escape to the faint hope of something new, something better.

We park in a rubbish strewn lay-by, there are no other cars. As soon as we stop I am out of the car, most of a six pack of cheap lager gone, and dying for a piss. I jump the fence, crash through the hedge and with great relief release myself on the far side, into a field, half watched by three disinterested cows. I hear Bex and Posh laughing and calling me on the other side of the hedge. I tell them where to go.

Loading back-packs with beer and vodka, kindling to start a fire and food to cook on it, we grab the boom box, cross the road, clamber up a low bank and enter into the narrow roadside woods.

There’s a path of sorts through the trees. Bex tells us she knows the way and we follow a faint bramble and weed strewn trail, brushing through the waist-high cow parsley and denim hooking holly. Humans have been this way in the not too distant past, empty beer cans and plastic bottles, toilet paper and torn blue bags litter the side of the path. Nodding at the rubbish Bex says “Fucking townies, ravers. Country people don’t do this,” disgust in her voice at the mess left behind. The stand of trees isn’t deep and we’re soon walking in the lowering sun up a scrubby, rock laden field. Pointing to a low peak a few hundred yards in the distance, Bex tells us that’s where we’re heading. Not too distant but far enough from the road that no-one will see or hear us, and we won’t see or hear anyone else. Bex doubts anyone is there. Though it isn’t that far from the road, it isn’t a well known place. It isn’t on any maps and Google has never found it from above.

Dumping our bags near an old fire pit sheltered from the wind in a clump of rocks near the peak, we load the boom box with a c90 cassette recording of a couple of old Leatherface LPs, grab beers and let Bex lead us to the surprise she promised us when she proposed this trip. We follow her down a narrow and dust-dry sheep track into a small wooded glade growing in, around and over a narrow gully in the boulder and rock littered hillside. Deep in, and totally cut off from the sun, she pushes through seemingly dense bushes and with a delighted “ta-da” reveals a rusted door, imbedded into ancient and graffitied concrete, constructed against the face of the equally graffitied gully. The door is solid; thick steel, with ancient rust showing through faded, curled and peeling military grey paint. Barred top to bottom by an inch thick circular rod, hasped and locked with the meanest looking padlock I have ever seen.

“What the fuck!” is the first thing that comes out of my mouth. “What is this place? Is it the army’s?”

I search for cameras, hidden security, gun barrels poking out of bushes; nothing catches my, admittedly pretty addled, eyes.

“Nah, it’s cool,” says Bex. “This place is way too old and way too weird for the army.”

Sweeping her hands round the signs, tags and random shit adorning the walls around the door to emphasise her point.

No longer distracted by the randomness and weirdness of a metal door concreted into a gully face deep in a hillside in remote Somerset. I see signs and sigils, words, letters and drawings; old and older; painted, written and carved, all around the door. Remarkably, the door itself is adorned with one sign; official, in colours of the local council. ‘NO ENTRY, Unsafe Passage’.

“So what is it?” I ask again.

Bex tells us that it’s an old cave system, no one really knows when it was discovered, but it was like hundreds of years back, a burial ground from the Stone Age or something. They found loads of old skeletons and shit here, but it was grave robbed way back and it’s long empty. Hippies used to come here after the Stonehenge Festival, but some got lost in the caves so the council sealed it in the 70s and pretty much no one has been inside since. “Pretty much,” she repeats, almost to herself.

My eyes flick around the mass of writing and carving surrounding the door. Messages are layered on top of old messages, on top of even older messages. Warnings and welcomes, charms and threats, yings and yangs. Visual noise, confused and confusing, I have no idea where to start reading. From below the recent, older things start to appear; carved letters blurred and dulled, old inks seeping into the sandstone, and below those again, edge worn and faded I see pictograms; Celtic runes, crosses and pentagrams, interlinked circles, crude fish symbols and so many things unrecognisable.

“How do you know about this place?” Posh asks.

“It’s a perfect campfire story,” Bex replies. “Let’s head back, get the fire going, chill and I’ll explain.”

I take my phone out and start to take photos, a sweeping video of the scene, close-ups of text not in a script I recognise, things to refer to when I’m home with internet access and a clear head.

While I’m checking out the writings, Dave is fiddling with the padlock on the door.

“Holy shit!” he exclaims, turning around with the padlock in his hand. “It wasn’t even locked, just looked like it.”

He pulls back the clasp with a rust dry creek and slides the metal rod out of the loops in the door frame. “Shall I?” he asks. Hell yes.

He pulls on the door, nothing happens. He pulls again, this time much harder, with exactly the same result. It’s stuck fast. “Fuck.”

Dave heads back up the path, returning with a branch. Shoving it under the metal rod, he throws his weight against the other end in an attempt to lever the door open. Nothing happens to start with; then, with a loud crack the door pops an inch. Tossing away the branch, Dave and I grab the edge of the door, heaving on it together. It slowly, noisily draws open. A fug of stale dampness and old air bursts out its mouth. Like a living thing brought back from a long hibernation, expelling old breath and ready to draw in new air.

We cross the threshold, into that liminal space between light and dark, sound and silence. Separating ourselves from the outside as we pass through the doorway; moving from the uncertain world of the present and an unknown future and into the certainty of the past.

With torches back in our bags, we don’t venture far. The entrance is small, concrete-lined, with empty hooks and shelves on the walls. It looks like the porch of an old house. I can almost see scarves and miners helmets, worn old coats hanging from the hooks, maybe a smoke stained lamp or a hand drawn cave map, with muddy boots lined up on the floor against the wall. However, the space is empty, with just a laddered angled shaft in the floor; going down into the cold darkness of the hill.

We decide to go back to where we dumped the bags, get a fire going and let Posh and Bex have a drink while I take my turn to do some work and cook. Relax into the early evening; eat, chill and then go back to the cave with torches as the sun goes down.

With the fire settled to ember, bellies full, the vodka bottle and a spliff passing from hand to hand, Bex starts on the story of this place.

She tells us that this is an ancient burial ground, discovered by people from before recorded time, people free from the constraints of society, free of a religion with a single god and free from structure and conformity. A people who roamed where food and the seasons led them, returning to their hidden and sacred places when death required it. This is a burial site for their elders and mystics; created from underground systems older than them, from when the ice melted and left the surface, carving channels, tunnels and chambers, entire systems deep underground. Those buried here became one with their gods.

Bex says the location was passed to her by her mother just before she died, that the same happened to her mother, and hers before that; handed down to the eldest daughter, generation after generation, from back before time was being recorded. Bex’s mother explained to her that their family had always been connected to the local king, the eldest daughter serving the monarch’s eldest son, not as a servant but as a priestess. The head priestess.

Bex tells us she’s never been down into the burial chambers. That the council sealed it up years ago after some people disappeared in the system, way before her time.

“Shall we go back, go in?” she asks. Posh and I instantly agree. Adventure is what we came here for.

|——————————-|

Shining the torch around I discover only one way out. I pull on my shoes and stagger gingerly to my feet. I stumble walk towards the hole leading out of the chamber, the fringes of the torch light catching ochre lines over the exit. I point the beam directly at them and see more of the symbols we found on the surface, but these are cruder; the lines fading, drawn by fingers, not carved, sprayed or brushed. No letters here, just arrows and circles, hand prints, more. I gasp when the outline of a beast comes into view as the torch circles the wall. The raw outline of a mammoth-like figure, tusks and trunk and ears, clearly formed though crude and faded by time. My eyes pop and I’m suddenly awake, a burst of much needed adrenaline pumping into my weary brain.

I scan the rest of the wall but find nothing else. Staring at the mammoth, I wonder how long it’s been here; months, years, decades? Maybe centuries. Recalling history lesson mentions of cave paintings discovered in France that are over 35,000 years old. Can it be that old? Am I the first person to see this since it was made?

I call again for Bex and Dave. I’m desperate to show them this wonderful, amazing thing. As before, I’m greeted with nothing but silence. I need to find them.

I take one last glance before exiting the chamber, wishing I had some water, anything to drink. My mouth is parched from the excess of the night before, burning from the calling out and the waking screams. I find myself in a narrow passage, tall enough for me to stand and wide enough I can almost fully stretch my arms. The walls are smooth, verging on soft, dry and dusty. No man or machine has made this, the water flow of millennia has carved these passages and chambers. I call their names again. No response. My enthusiasm to show them the painting is rapidly being replaced with a fear-tinged anger. I can’t believe they would leave me here alone in that state, not that they were in much better shape than me. I hope they’re OK.

This isn’t my first time underground; we’ve been in caves before, exploring the area with Rob last summer. Caving and climbing is what he did to escape the dullness of his existence. Occasionally we went with him and he would show us basic moves, drilling us on safety and preparedness, letting us watch as he showed off climbing up impossible looking bluffs, other times taking us down into some of the less treacherous open cave systems. Teaching us about being underground; about airflow and water, how to spot signs of danger, ensuring we didn’t over extend ourselves.

I have to choose which way to go, though no clues are given. The air is completely still and the dust on the ground has been churned by feet in both directions. For no reason than my head says so, I turn to the right. Using a Sharpie left in my jacket pocket from a last day of school wall-writing mission, I write my name and draw an arrow on the wall as I leave. I haven’t gone far before my head torch hits the roof and soon I’m on hands and knees crawling in the dust. Shining the yellowy beam ahead, I can’t see anything that helps, just the further lowering of the roof and drag marks in the dust indicating that others have passed this way in the past, but how long ago? Minutes, hours, decades? Impossible to tell.

Now on my stomach, I point the light forward and can see through the choke point into another chamber. I turn my torch off to see if there’s any hint of light ahead, I call into the space and all that returns is my own echo. I lie there in the dirt, in complete and utter darkness, not sure if I should go forward or turn back, whether I should scream or cry. I try to recall how I got to be in the chamber in the first place, but nothing comes to me. Did I come into the system on my own or was I with the others? Why did I/we come this far? I have no idea what to do next. I choose to cry. In the dark, alone, lost. There doesn’t seem to be another immediate option.

|——————————-|

Then, through my blubbing, I hear laughter. Dave and Bex, and someone else? Can it be Rob? Is that his laughter I can hear in the background? Is this the big reveal Bex promised? Is Rob back from London?

I hear Bex calling me on, telling me it’s a short belly wriggle and I’m through. Wiping my eyes I raise my head from its slump. I look forward and can now see a pale yellow flickering light. Yes! My spirits immediately lift, and with a feeling of relief, stronger than anything I’ve felt before I turn my head torch back on and using elbows and knees, I slither crawl through the choke point and into the new chamber. To my friends; to relief. Jesus, I had never been so scared.

Clambering out of the dust, running my fingers through my hair and brushing myself down, I see the shadowed shapes of my friends standing in a vast chamber. Swinging my head-torch around, the cavern is so huge I can’t see the ceiling nor its furthest walls. I stumble rush forward into the welcoming arms of Bex and Dave for a group hug. I step away and look at them one by one, laughing with the joy of seeing them again. I tell them I heard Rob’s voice calling me on with theirs, is he here? There’s the slightest of pauses before Bex says he is, sort of. And that’s when things start turning to shit.

Dave speaks. “Have a look around mate.”

Since entering this enormous space my eyes have just been on my friends. Then I realise that my torch isn’t the only source of light. Bex and Posh are surrounded by multiple, flickering, lanterns. “Where did they get them?” is the first thing that pops into my mind.

I’m about to ask when I spot more of the animal paintings on the wall beside us. Unlike the ones I saw when I woke up, these show human figures; loads of them, all men, linking hands around the walls.

As my eyes grow accustomed to the light I see that every figure looks like it’s been painted by hand, shaded from red to brown as if time had faded them all individually. As I walk towards them, I realise the paintings get more proficient and the colours less faded as they snake around the wall. I look back toward the opening I came through; above this is possibly the oldest figure, it’s certainly the most faded and largest of them. He is magnificent, ancient and regal. Instinctively I know this must be one of the god-kings Bex told us about earlier. I take my phone from my pocket to take some photos and then remember the battery’s flat. This place is so utterly amazing it needs to be captured.

My torch bobs as I swing my head around, marvelling at the paintings covering the walls almost from the floor to out of human reach. I continue walking around the chamber, kicking up ancient dust and sand as I go, leaving footprints where none existed. The floor is strewn with boulders and there are exit points heading in numerous directions, small and large. Some show signs of being man-made, jagged and ridged from picks and bars, but most are just the smooth grey stone water has made over the years.

I shine the light up the wall; the ochre red of the paintings intermingling with darkness where a bit of the craggy roof is low. As I crane my head back, the light picks out calcites hanging from the roof, glowing white against the dull grey rock. This place is beautiful and stark, wonderful.

Turning back to speak to my friends, my light catches a flashing glimpse of blue on the floor. My head automatically flicks back to the incongruous colour, the light and my eyes settling on a dusty puffer jacket on top of a pile of clothing against the wall. My light illuminates the jacket as I walk towards it. I recognise immediately it as Rob’s. I stop, and turn round.

“Pete,” Bex says. “There is no good news in this story. I’m sorry.”

“Where the fuck is Rob?” I demand.

Bex swings her torch around the row of painted men, alighting on the figure at the end. My head torch follows and immediately I can tell who this crudely painted figure on the wall is. Rob. His eyes, barely lines and dots, seem to be imploring me to acknowledge him, to come to him, to touch him. He is holding the hand of a figure I don’t recognise, though it looks a lot older.

“I had no choice Pete,” Bex tells me. “I had to then, and I have to now.”

“My ancestors,” Dave says, now standing next to me, “were the first to be buried here, generations and generations ago.” He casts his arms around in the dark, “A lot of these are my family, the oldest ones, anyway.

“Some are sacrifices, prices to be paid when times are tough and blood lines are thin.

“Times have been tough.” he adds, leaving the words hanging in the air.

“My family is cursed,” he continues, pointing at Bex. “both our families are cursed.“

He walks back towards the centre of the cave, into the circle of lanterns.

“My people took this land when it was a new land, soon after it was released from the sea, thousands of years ago. We took it from the first people to come here, and we didn’t take it easily. Many died.

“Their holy man placed a curse on our king, commanding that until hands are joined in a circle on the wall of the largest chamber, none of the souls laid here will rest. Our first people honoured the curse, as did the next few dozen generations.” He points his torch on the largest figure.

”Eventually, as fortunes grew, it became a bit of a family joke; the boogie-man to scare the kids, and the curse faded to legend almost as fast as family power and influence was grabbed. By the time that power and influence collapsed, it had been forgotten. Granddad read about the curse after the war when all we had left was the house. He brought the sacrifices back and started making millions again.

“Dad then totally fucked it all up with his stupid games. Though he isn’t gone, he’s too chicken-shit to go through with anything.

“It may be OK for him, but I cannot live like this Pete.”

Bex joins in. “My family have always served the king, the eldest daughter serving the eldest son. Once mum died  I’m now the elder in my family. I serve Dave’s father, but he is weak.

“Dave is the real king, and he commands the sacrifice, one that can only be made on the night of the summer solstice. Tonight.”

I’m smiling, thinking they’re taking the piss. I turn to face them, my mouth working to make a smart comment, but I see no hint of humour on their faces. It takes a moment for it to click that this is reality, that they actually mean me some harm.

“Fuck YOU! This is fucking insane.”

“Sorry Pete, it is what it is,” says Dave as he steps towards me from inside the circle of lanterns, picking a metal bar from the ground. I burst forward, kicking one of the lanterns at him. It hits his leg, flaming oil flies out from broken glass, his jeans catch alight. His leg aflame, screaming, he dives to the ground; rolling and writhing, he thrashes around in the dust trying to put out the flames.

Bex howls, angry, animalistic, she moves towards Dave to help, then anger takes over and she turns and comes at me. Her face, yellowed and flattened by the lantern light is filled with hate. I run.

I enter a tunnel and find I can stand up, my head torch bouncing as I move, throwing shadows all over the place, making it hard to see, to focus on where I’m going. I’m forced to slow, I don’t want to fall. The tunnel is sloping down, not the way I want to go, I want to be heading up to the surface away from this insanity and my fucking fucked up friends. I want air and light and sanity.

I realise that the tunnel has no man-made marks; this tunnel was made by water. Though I can’t hear pursuit, it’s too late to return to the chamber and find another exit, I have to go on and hope. The passage narrows and steepens downwards; thankfully the surface is free of rubble and I can move freely. For the first dozen yards I’m almost upright, but I’m soon crouching, slowing, bending forward further and further as I head down the tunnel. I can feel the air starting to cool, the walls are getting damp and the air is musty with age and something else. Water.

This doesn’t feel like a way out. Panic is starting to build and I can hear my heart beating, it sounds so loud, can they hear me? Can they hear my fear?

As I slow I can hear someone behind me. Bex. She isn’t rushing. If she really is the priestess, she probably knows this system well. She will know where I’m going. Her lack of urgency worries me even more.

“Give it up Pete, this is just making it worse.” She sounds so close, her voice echoing back to me from further down the cave.

“Fuck you,” I repeat.

The fear is growing as the tunnel gets lower and narrower, eventually forcing me to my knees. I drop into a shallow stream of what feels like liquid ice. I try to raise my knees out, but too late, my jeans are soaked, my hands are cold, the grit on the floor is tearing into the skin of my knees, though I have no choice but to carry on. I don’t get far, forced to stop as the passage shrinks to a crawlspace so tight I don’t think I can go on. Bitterly cold water drips slowly, unevenly from the roof onto the back of my neck, it runs down my shirt.

My head torch tells me it’s narrow, shallow and sloping more steeply now. The water flows down, so there has to be somewhere for it to go; there has to be a way out, though I can’t see it.

I call out, begging for help, my voice muffled by the narrowness, my body filling too much of the space to allow sound to travel normally. I have to go on. Dropping to my belly in the freezing water, with my arms in front of me I scrabble into the tiny space. Elbowing my way forward, pushing with my toes and knees. The light showing me nothing but wet rock and my own hazy damp breath, now coming faster and hotter as the fear cranks up another notch.

Finally I am stuck. I can’t go forward or back. I call, I hear muffled laughter. Bex. Her hands on my feet and legs, she’s going to pull me back out, give me a chance to get out of this hole and a chance to fight back. Maybe it was all just a prank that has gone horribly wrong?

I try to use my hands to help her, feeling for what small leverage I can on the wet rock, but rather than pulling, I realise she’s pushing me further forward.

“STOP!” I call out, “you’re making it worse!”

She keeps pushing me down and further in. Jesus, fuck, I can’t push back, my hands can’t grip anything in the ever tightening hole, my face is now in the shallow water, I turn my head to the side to breathe, but there’s so little air. My body blocking one end and I now know there’s no real exit, a gap for water to flow out but not air in. I am trapped.

As I breathe out and my lungs depress I slide further in as I’m shoved from behind. I can barely draw breath, let alone scream. I try to pull more air into my lungs, force them to expand and slow the relentless pressure from behind. I can’t.

I hold on as long as possible. Finally I must exhale, my lungs compressing and allowing a small gap between my chest and the wall. I’m forced forward another few millimetres. It’s so tight now I can’t re-expand my lungs, I can’t draw breathe, my heart is pounding harder and harder, I can hear the blood flowing in my head, it feels like it’s expanding into rock itself. Tightening, tightening, tightening.

It ends.

|——————————-|

I look out from my place at the end of the line on the wall. I can feel my right hand is held, but there is no comfort from the old friend beside me. I want to scream but no air comes from my stone lungs, nor sound from my stone lips. The lanterns in the cavern burn down and then out. It’s dark, but I know I am not alone.

I dream of death, and pain, and blood and sacrifice.

I dream of revenge.

The End.